I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
