Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
