I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
