Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
