I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
