I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
