Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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