So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
