If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
