I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
