NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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