I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The Olympian is in my bed
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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