so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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