Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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