i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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