boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
