How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
