After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
