the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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