I wish I could punch you in the face.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
