Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
