What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
