i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
