I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
