He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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