to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
