I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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