i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
