got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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