Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
