Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
