Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
