there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
