I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
