God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
