I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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