Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
