We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
