I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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