so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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