hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
