Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
