i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
