Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
