no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
