I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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