Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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