You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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