I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize