I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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