Your dad touched me again.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
