capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize