You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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