two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I love you. Go after that dick
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
