my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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