it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize