Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
