I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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