i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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