I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am one with the molecules
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
