it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
