can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
