Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
