so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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