oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
