I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
