...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
