When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize