I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
