We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
