I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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