Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
