Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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