Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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