1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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