If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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